Harnessed a few old thoughts today…


My mother never had but one child and it was not “me”!  My mother never had but one grandchild, it was not among my own five children.  My mother never had but four great-grandchildren, my two are not among that accounting.  My mother had many great-great-grandchildren I have none to be in that accounting!

While working on my current writing project “Flying with Broken Wings”, I stop to write down a thought that would be in relation to my own autobiography that now comprises of many scraps of paper, some full sheets, including the back of many coffee house and diner placemats.  My “someday” autobiography.

The thought was to write a book about estrangement among family members.  This relates directly to my beginning paragraph.  After Google delivered its list to me, I realized that there is a slight possibility that every family in this world had problems with getting along with each other.  There are dozens of estrangement books, so my starting one is not necessary.   My home library beside many books on fiction and non-fiction consists of dozens of self-help books from emotional to the deranged brain; I have nothing on the family that hates.

 I quickly went to Amazon and ordered one that I thought interesting.  When it arrives, I will read and store with the other books on “real life issues”.  I love to read, and I see my family and myself in these books.  I do not need to learn how to confront family; ninety-nine- percent of them are dead; the other one-percent is dead to me!  These percentages consist of my birth family, mother, father, siblings, and nieces, etcetera.   

In general, I have read articles about family estrangement, mothers, fathers, siblings and the cold war of ending communication.   It is not about who got the spotlight in the family, to me it is about how one selfish act of my own mother changed the dynamics of my entire family.  There are many books and articles about this subject, but I found there are few statistics on the subject of family estrangement. 

If I had to make a statement about why family members cease to speak to each other, I would say one reason is intolerance.  Family members are unwilling to be their real selves and share their real feelings.  Living in a family with estrangements is extremely painful and can be debilitating.  I usually say, these people wear “rose colored glasses”.

Is healing possible, maybe, but my own healing is impossible due to death or stubbornness of these people.   Therefore, I believe that healing starts within, willingness or unwillingness of communication lies with the parting family member.  I chose the path of healing myself, making peace with myself, knowing that I have tried more times than anyone to reach out to family members.  They return to the “circle” of family only to push those who tried to love them away.  I find them to be hypocrites and unworthy of my love.  I have peace of mind, I will be okay, and the scars will heal.  The secret is time.  I call it the “Seven Decade War”! 

Have a great weekend.


5 thoughts on “Harnessed a few old thoughts today…

  1. I hope you can be at peace with yourself, knowing that you have done all you can. You are right about estrangement to one degree or another being a feature of many families – but yours did seem to be comprehensive.

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    1. Hello, my Cyber Friend…it is always a pleasure to hear from you. For some reason that I do not know you appear to be on the same page with me when I post a more personal thought. Believe me in this life I have spent many years trying to hold onto “family”, I finally give up several years ago. Nevertheless, when a think of the battles and wars that I have lost trying to get into that “circle” called family it is staggering. Yes, I am at peace, my heart no longer hurts when I think of them. Thanks again

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  2. I am estranged from my brother. At first due to distance. Then, due to his intention to keep it that way. I have come to terms that he probably intends to die this way. Why these things occur, I think it could be a sense of entitlement to anger and resentment. And well, no, we are not entitled to perpetuate pain no matter how justified we feel. I am okay with how things are. Maybe it’s better this way because I am not interested in relationships with people who want to battle endlessly.

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    1. Love your comment, it speaks of truth…we cannot make these people keep in contact with us. I tried as long as my parents an sibling was alive. The memory of their actions haunts me at times but I mange to get through it. Thank you again for such a great comment. eajm

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